Reflecting.....

Today (November 26th) is a special day for me. My mom passed away on this day 4 years ago. Each year I reflect on the events that led up to her passing, and what I was doing. This is going to be a long post, please be patient with me as I express my feelings for my mother.

It was 5 a.m the day after Thanksgiving, I woke up and realized that I had slept all night without waking up to check on mom. I laid there trying to listen for moms rythmic breathing that I was use to hearing for the past couple of days. I couldn't hear it, and I wondered if I was going to go in her room and find she quietly passed away in the night. As I went into the dark bedroom, her breathing was very shallow. I felt for her hand, and it was very cold. I knew the time was very close that she was going to pass away. We had hospice coming into help us with mom and the nurse Annette prepared us every step of the way of the phases that were going to take place as it got closer to her passing. She said her breathing would become very labored and shallow when it was almost time. I hurried and called her and told her that mom's breathing had changed and that she was very cold. She told me she would be right over. Annette showed up and confirmed that mom was very close. Even tho I was preparing myself for this time the last couple of weeks, I wasn't quite ready to let her go. Annette told me this would be the time to call my brothers and sisters and let them know that mom was very close, and if any of them would like to tell her goodbye, to let them express themselves to her by putting the phone to her ear. Mom had slipped into a coma the day prior and was unresponsive to our voices when we spoke to her. I know that when I had called my siblings, all were not very comfortable with saying their goodbyes to mom thru the phone, but if they could have witnessed what I did when I placed the phone to her ear each time one son or daughter told her goodbye and they loved her, I knew that mom heard and knew each one of their voices as she tried to nod even tho she was in a coma. Mom passed away at 7:35 that evening.

Gosh I miss her. I miss calling her, hearing her voice, and just having her there to listen to me when I've had a bad day, or to tell her of things that made my day!

For those who are fortunate enough to still be blessed by having your mom with you, this is next writing is beautiful. For those who aren't, it is even more beautiful.

The Journey of a Mother

The young mother set her foot on the path of life. "Is this the long way?" she asked.
And the guide said "Yes, and the way is hard. And you will be old before you reach the end of it. But the end will be better than the beginning."
But the young mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years. So she played with her children, she fed them and bathed them, and taught them how to tie their shoes and ride a bike and reminded them to feed the dog, and do their homework and brush their teeth. The sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried,
"Nothing will ever be lovelier than this."
Then the nights came, and the storms, and the path was sometimes dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her arms, and the children said, "Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come."
And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. But at all times she said to the children, "A little patience and we are there." So the children climbed, and as they climbed they learned to weather the storms. And with this, she gave them strength to face the world.

Year after year, she showed them compassion, understanding, hope, but most of all...unconditional love. And when they reached the top they said, "Mother, we would not have done it without you."
The days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother grew old and she became little and bent. But her children were tall and strong, and walked with courage. And the mother, when she lay down at night, looked up at the stars and said, "This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned so much and are now passing these traits on to their children."
And when the way became rough for her, they lifted her, and gave her their strength, just as she had given them hers. One day they came to a hill, and beyond the hill, they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide.
And mother said: "I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk with dignity and pride, with their heads held high, and so can their children after them. And the children said, "You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates." And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her. And they said: "We cannot see her, but she is with us still.

A Mother like ours is more than a memory. She is a living presence." Your Mother is always with you. She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street, she's the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick and perfume that she wore, she's the cool hand on your brow when you're not feeling well, she's your breath in the air on a cold winter's day. She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a rainbow, she is Christmas morning.
Your Mother lives inside your laughter. And she's crystallized in every tear drop. A mother shows every emotion...happiness, sadness, fear, jealousy, love, hate, anger, helplessness, excitement, joy, sorrow...and all the while, hoping and praying you will only know the good feelings in life.
She's the place you came from, your first home, and she's the map you follow with every step you take.
She's your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy, but nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space...not even death!

I Love you Mom and I miss you!

I took this picture of me holding my mom's hand just before she passed. My mother had the most beautiful hands, hands that served me!